Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Teenagers and Halloween

I have a 16 year old stepson.

(and yes, I totally just heard all you parents of teenagers suck in your breath and mutter sympathetic words. I hear you. I now know why gerbils eat their young while they can.)

We will call my stepson Al. Al's not a bad kid by any stretch of the means. He's just a teenager, which makes him inherently a pain in my ass. Last night the hubs and I took the two younger kids trick-or-treating and left Al at home to pass out candy. This was probably a huge mistake on our part, but alas the 7 year old wanted mom & dad to go with him. We warned the teenager not to eat the whole bowl of candy while we were gone. When we returned home a good part of the candy was gone. In Al's defense we had quite a bit of kids out and about trick or treating. So later in the night, after the festivities had ended, I casually mentioned to Al that he might want to make sure and brush his teeth well.

Him: "Why do I have to brush my teeth well?"
Me: "Because of all the candy you ate."
Him: (sigh, eye roll) "It wasn't a lot. I only ate like 10 pieces." (sigh, snort, eye roll rolled so far I wondered if he rolled his eye balls around the whole perimeter of his head.)

*crickets chirping*

Me: (blank stare, while figuring out teenager candy math. 10 candy bars + 6 whoppers - 3 twizzlers he fed to the squirrels + 8 suckers= 10 pieces)

Do teenagers really think parents are that stupid? Wait. Don't answer that. Just lie to me and tell me it gets better.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Happy Halloween

Just a quick Happy Halloween! May all your tricking be safe and your treats be yummy. My kids have already played in their costumes. Enjoy the pics!

And what is Halloween without jammin' to some Thriller?

(And if you made your/your kid's/your dog's Halloween costume I would love to see pictures! I couldn't make Aaron's costume as Batman needed muscles. Muscles Mom! I need MUSCLES! What-ever.)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Freezing my bon-bons off

It is freakin' cold outside. I have not been able to get warm since the weather turned a week and a half ago. Not to mention this wind is strong enough to blow Dorothy and her little dog back to Oz. As a native to the wonderful land of Michigan, you'd think I'd be used to this stuff. Usually I embrace the cold - the chance to wear sweatshirts and sweaters, make chili and soups. This year not so much. I feel like an old fart mumbling about my damn joints aching due to the cold. It doesn't help that I am a cheapskate and refuse to turn the furnace up, instead I yell at everyone to put another layer on already! Except I look stupid yelling at myself. And I already have on about 54 1/2 layers on. It's not even winter yet. I am not going to make it through these cold months without turning into my grandma. Someone please stop me if you see my stuffing tissues inside my sleeve. For real, a girl has got to draw the line somewhere.

In other news the only thing truly amusing me right now is watching my kids trying to do the "worm" and my daughter running around driving her "spaceshit".

Spring I need you already!

(but check out this super adorbs jacket pattern I just bought. Adorbs, what am I, a freaking valley girl? WTF?)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Da Truth

I've often been asked on how do I do it all. I work over 40 hrs a week, help raise a herd of kids, stay married, take care of the house and still find time to do all of my sewing/artwork/start a business. Sometimes I even manage to hang out with a friend or two. What are you, Superwoman?

To which I snort and say the only thing super about me is my gas after eating a lot of dairy. Then really you don't want to be near me. At all. I even manage to scare the cat away.

Truth is, to be able to fit in time to do the things I want to do, somethings need to give. Housework being one of them. That's not to say that my house is a disaster or unsanitary, but I certainly don't freak if there are toys sitting around in the family room after the kids have gone to bed. I often leave baskets of folded clean clothes sitting among the toys. At some point, when in the morning I have to run downstairs half undressed to find something to wear, I will contemplate putting the clean clothes away. Or if I need a basket to haul dirty clothes downstairs.  I only truly clean if company is coming over.

It also helps that I have a supportive husband. Sure he doesn't like it when he loses me to my basement studio for weeks at a time, but he understands that my artwork is a part of me and I need it like peanut butter needs jelly. Or like my boobs need a really supportive bra. You get my point.

How do you make to time to be able to do what YOU need for you?

Friday, October 14, 2011

Dear Gmail

Dear Gmail,

I am trying to figure out why Gardner White and Bob Evans keep sending me emails. I mean, I never have shopped at Gardner White and I don't eat at Bob Evans. And for that fact, Gmail, why the hell can't you figure out that this is spam? You do so well at removing all Penis Growth emails. Even if I had wanted to grow a  penis, I can't because you are so successful at hiding those emails from me. And my ever faithful Nigerian Prince, offering me 1 million dollars, has been quiet lately due to your awesome spam removal. And yet, Gardner White and Bob Evans keep sneaking past you. No matter how many times I mark them spam, they keep showing up. Are you trying to tell me that I need to eat pancakes and get a new couch? I mean for reals people. My couch is just fine and my homemade pancakes taste much better anyways.

Let's get this fixed, m'kay?

*For shizzle Gmail, for shizzle.


*Please note that I have not a damn clue what the word shizzle means. It is however, really freaking fun to say.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Fairs - 2 down, one to go

I did a Mom2Mom sale this past weekend and it was brilliant. $25/ table, so my overhead was very little. I sold 7 dresses and 1 skirt. I am beyond thrilled. I was a little worried going in that some people were going to go ape shit over my prices, as they were there for resale items and some people did. It was almost comical looking at their faces, but once people realized that no, I actually made each item myself, then they were completely cool with the price. It was definitely a great experience and I will certainly jump at the chance to do another one. Now I need to regroup a little and figure out my attack plan for my December 2nd show, which will be huge. Sew, sew and more sewing! Enjoy a few out takes of my model. Oh, and new items listed on Etsy in case you wanted to take a peek.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

One fair down, 2 to go

Last weekend was my first fair of the year. It wasn't a successful $$ wise as I had hoped, but I did at least cover my booth fee. It was however hugely successful with the amount of feedback I received, which is really what I was hoping for. Everyone loved my dresses, skirts and dolls and commented on the high quality of the items. I did hear a lot of "LOVE your stuff, but I have BOYS." And unfortunately I didn't have any boy clothing items. Thankfully, I listened to the crowd (and the hubby, whose been saying the same dang thing) and will have some boy items for this coming up weekend's Mom2Mom sale, which should kick serious ass. Because HEL-LO, people coming to buy children's clothing and items and I, uh, have just what they are looking for! Amazing! The only thing that could potentially bite me in my hind end would be that people come to these sales to buy gently used items and there is no way I can compete with the used clothing prices. I can just hope that the uniqueness of my items will win them and their pocketbooks over.

Heh, I said pocketbooks. I sound just like my late, dear grandma. Better watch out or next thing you know I will be calling pants slacks and adhere to that no wearing white after Labor Day rule.

Just thought I would share my first try at a boy item. I hand appliqued the shirt. It was certainly different not working with a pattern. I had to switch the gears in my brain to think as if I was drawing with fabric. If that made any sense. Which I usually don't, so good luck with that.

Reminds me of when my son (now 7! Aaaack, when did that happen) used to call guitars "dick-tar". Snort. I am also completely open to suggestions for shirt ideas, so please share if you have any.

Next up, how about a studio tour? And I won't even vacuum beforehand to show you how covered my floor is in fabric and thread. I'd be embarrassed if I didn't think it made the floor more colorful. That and the cat likes to play with all the pieces of thread. Win-win!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


I have children, which means I have no patience. Or free time. Or nice clothes that are not covered in bits of caked on cracker goo. If you are a parent in any way, you totally understand this and probably taking a deep sigh and nodding your head in agreement. Don't get me wrong, my children kick ass and I love them beyond words and couldn't imagine life without them. Life is just different then it was 9 years ago. This was all so apparent this morning when I was I was trying to put my 2 year old's coat on. She apparently didn't understand how to stand still. Her version of standing still included flinging her arms around while dancing. During her "stand still" dancing she managed to knock a big glass of water over, dousing my pant leg and shoe.  It had to be the morning that I had no time to change. Please note that my ever adorable daughter took great offense to me getting upset by her not listening. Obviously it was my fault that she drenched my leg. The me from 9 years ago would have never dreamed of leaving the house with sopping wet pants and a squishy shoe. The now me was all "Fuck it, it'll dry." On the bright side, I think the water washed off all the banana covered finger prints left by my tiny dancer. Silver lining?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Chucky's Bride

I have always been one of those kids that colored all the time or doodled on homework. My high school AP History teacher once commented that I had the prettiest notes he's ever seen. It was too bad that I didn't pay more attention to the note part though. Truthfully, it wasn't until a few years ago that I even considered making my "hobbies" a full time job. I'm still working on the full time part, as kids need to be fed and bills need to be paid, but eventually I have every faith in myself that I will get there. My first love has always been drawing, namely abstract. I didn't begin to sew until last year when I forced myself to take my sewing machine out of the box and use the damn thing already. Yes, I love being able to make clothes and other little creations, but my sewing fixation is more because I dearly love fabric and all the options. I am like a kid in a candy store at JoAnn's or browsing Fabric.com. I think the best job ever would be a fabric designer. How awesome would that be?!?!?! And I have to admit that I wanted to learn how to sew because girls' clothing scares the poop out of me and there is no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that my daughter will ever wear clothing with things written across her tushy. EVER. I'm 31 and I won't even wear pants with "Juicy" on my ass. My beloved late mother would likely come back to haunt me if I do. I can hear her even now, "Nicole Renee, I raised you better than that."

After my last fair is over with, and the Christmas rush on Etsy, I'm hoping to have some down time to draw again. I have many projects running through my head. It will be exciting to sit down at my drafting table again and pick up my beloved colored pencils and markers. Oooooo, I may cackle with glee. Cackle, cackle, cackle. (clearly I need to step away from the caffeine.) I can then bore with you to tears with pictures of my drawings. As opposed to boring you with pictures of my sewing projects. Like this:

The mermaid scares me. Like I want to stuff her in the back of my closet scares me. Clearly she was meant to be Chucky's bride. I may have to advertise her as that. "Chucky's Mermaid Bride, ready to stab you at any time! Perfect gift for your favorite girl." Too much? 

(cackle, cackle)

Friday, September 9, 2011

Eeeekkkkk! My first fair!!! I'm really excited, yet nervous I won't have enough stuff made. I will be selling my  reversible dresses, skirts like the one pictured below and dolls/stuffed guys. If you are in the area, stop on by! Hope to see you there.

Love these skirts. They are so cute on little girls. My only complaint is they are VERY time consuming to create. Thankfully the skirt's cuteness far outweighs the time to make them. 

Any new projects on your plate? They don't have to be sewing or art related. Share!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Beyond surprised


Color me shocked.

I got into two fall/winter fairs. And I only applied for three. The third fair, who sent me a lovely rejection letter can bite me. Yes, I get bitter very easily. That said, I don't believe my work was a good fit, so it probably is better in the long run. I will provide more details later for anyone who wants information about attending theses fairs. I will also be in a Mom2Mom sale as one of the 4 crafters allowed. In all three of my events, I will be selling my handmade dresses, skirts and felt dolls. Speaking of skirts, look at my first stab at making one:

I am also working on some Halloween themed items to go up for sale on Etsy. I know, I know. the excitement, can you handle it?!?!?!?


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Time? What time?

I am a mother of 3. I work full time. Somewhere I have to find time to feed the kids, do laundry, clean, etc. That leaves very little "me" time. Never mind the fact that I am trying my damndest (that is too a real word! spell check can bite me!) to start a sustainable business that will allow me to be home with the kids and not pay out the ass for daycare. (Even if daycare is totally awesome and the people there feel like family.) How do you manage to set aside "me" time? I admit that I really do love working in my studio and it feels like "me" time, (Why the hell do I keep putting "me" in quotations? And this talking in parenthesis is getting real old.) but the reality is that I am working and not decompressing. Last night I met with 2 of my bestest friends for dinner and I was able to just let loose - be myself for 2 hours. I got to actually shovel food into my own pie hole, without having to stop to tell so-and-so to leave his sister alone for pete's sake. It was amazing.

So, lemme know what works for you. How do you find time for you? That oh so important time everyone needs to be able to stay true to yourself.

Friday, July 15, 2011


Because I love me some Christmas in July shopping, I thought I would have a sale of my own! All my dresses are 15% off from now through the end of July! I should be getting more up for sale shortly. If you want any dress custom made I will also offer the same discount. Yay! Sale! My panties are on fire. Well, they would be, but I really hate the word panties. Ick. My under-roos are on fire!

Funklicious Etsy Store

The latest dress creation:

I also purchased a flouncy pillowcase dress pattern. Can't wait to create! What would you like to see me add to my Etsy shop? Please note, my goal is NOT to end up on Regretsy. Not that there is anything wrong with Regretsy, but crocheted sperm is not on my list to make. Mostly because I can't crochet to save my soul.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Toddlers make for difficult models

I took the suggestion from a fave blogger of mine (*cough* Pamela *cough*) and decided with my next reversible dress listing on Etsy that I would have Sophia, the toddler wonder, model the dress for me. May I just say that my free spirited child proved to be a very difficult model. She insisted on playing with magnets. Not picture is her sitting down and showing off the shorts she was wearing under the dress. Oh well. Enjoy the out takes. I know I did!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A tip, perhaps

I can't stand tissue paper patterns. I hate how they move and pinning to them to the fabric never works for me either. Maybe I am just dense when it comes to the best way to use tissue paper patterns. For my reversible dresses, sometimes due to the pattern not staying exactly in place, the material for the dresses didn't come out exact. I had to give myself some wiggle room in lining up the fabric pieces to sew. Not a big deal, every dress turned out cute as a button in the end. The other day I had a major AHA! moment. And then I smacked myself upside the head for taking this long to figure out a different option. I transferred the pattern to poster board and cut it out. The hard board didn't move at all when I cut out my fabric pieces for the next dress. The pieces lined up exactly this time and I didn't have to fudge anything. (insert crazy laugh here) I only wish I thought of this sooner!

Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful 4th. For those of you outside of the US, I hope you enjoyed a nice cold beer just because.

(Cute picture of my kid that has nothing to do with this post at all. Can you blame me?!?!)

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Scatter brained

Okay. I admit it. I am the least organized person I know. The saddest part of this is that I love anything that has to do with home organization. Drawers, bins, folders, files, pens, paper clips, shelves - I love them all and would easily drop hundreds of dollars if I had it just on organization products alone. If I do go all out and purchase a new shelf or something, I go and clean my studio. Everything goes in the proper place. All my fabric gets folded and put in it's own basket. Colored pencils get placed by color. And it all stays that way for approximately 2.5 seconds and then it goes into complete disarray and stays that way for most of the time. The only thing I can relatively keep organized are my scissors and that's because I am super neurotic about keeping paper scissors and fabric scissors separate. Partly I think it's because I have the attention span of a flea. I cannot concentrate on one medium. I like to paint, draw, sew, make jewelry and sometimes I even make sculptures. Thus I have about 18,000 art materials crammed into one itty bitty area in my basement. Although I threatened my husband the other day if I get any busier in my studio I was going to have to overtake some of the kid's play area (note - they really don't play down there much at all. Aaron is the only who sometimes goes down in the basement when he needs to escape the toddler.) So, I give up. I need to find a better way to organize and stay organize, but obviously I lack the discipline and time to keep it that way. Therefore I turn to you lovely people through my computer screen. What are your organizing techniques and how to you make yourself keep it that way?

Thanks a bunch. Smootches!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

More dresses and a question

Sorry if the pictures are all wonky. I still can't get blogger figured out. I am an original Typepad user. Blogger is all kinds of wacko to me, so bear with me. (As apposed to bare with me. That would be wrong.) 

I am loving these reversible dresses. They are fun and easy to make, plus the fabric options are endless. Fabric shopping makes me very, very happy. I just ordered a pattern for one of those ruffled looking tiered skirts. That should be tons of fun. Plus the pattern is for girls's sizes 2t-12. Yay! More fabric shopping. JoAnn's and Fabric.com love me long time.

Okay. Question. Etsy (www.etsy.com) or Big Cartel (www.bigcartel.com)?  I'm somewhat established on Etsy, but Etsy is beyond over packed with artists, making it very overwhelming to shoppers. Big Cartel is not as large. It charges per month - a flat fee and you can pick the level you want to pay. That is all they take. They do not take a percentage of anything people buy from your shop. Where Etsy charges $.20 per item to list and then takes a very small percentage of the items you sell. Big Cartel also has a more personalized look to each shop. On the flip side, Big Cartel is not nearly as widely known yet and most people still go to Etsy when trying to find a handmade item. Decisions, decisions! Your thoughts?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Projects? What are those?

Funny, I set up a blog about my projects and things I create for my Etsy page (see linky doo app on the side there) and yet I don't show anything I've been working on. Logic, I have none. So, I thought I would share a few projects that I finished within the last week.

An adorable felt doll I made for a friend's daughter. I really love making dolls. They are fun and the best part is when I know the children that receive them adore playing with them. It warms the cockles of my heart. Or whatever cockles are.

I started making little girl's reversible dresses. I love them!! I can make them up to a size 6. I am trying to figure out the best way to sell these. Do I show a sample of the dress and then when a customer purchases it, they give the size of the dress? This way, every dress is made per order. This would give a 1-2 week shipping time. Or do I create the dresses and have a variety on hand in different sizes and sell them by size only for fast shipping? Thoughts? I love this dress for the simple reason that a child will get a ton of use out of it. It's two dresses in one and as the little girl grows that it will become a shirt when too short for a dress. Love it!!!! I hope to get the dresses up for sale on my Etsy site soon. If you are interested in one before I get my act together, just email me.

Smootches! (on a side note, it may be wise for me to ease up on the caffeine.......)

Friday, June 3, 2011

I just sneezed about 52 times in a row.

And I didn't tinkle my under-roos one bit.

Ya'll should be proud of me.

Excuse me, I have some kiegal exercises to do. Or however you spell kiegal. Stupid spell check doesn't know either.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Did you ever have one of those moments where you realize that you're not perfect? That you can't do everything? I am right there. Having that moment.

I am not someone that knows how to ask for help. Or admit that I can't do it all myself.

But I can't do it all. And I'm completely fried. To a crisp. To the point that writing in complete sentences is more that I can handle. My high school English teachers are probably cussing at the computer screen as they read this. Not that any of them read my blog. Hypothetically speaking.

I want so bad to start my own business. To sell my art. To stay home with the kids and not have to shit out money for daycare. But I can't seem to get things in motion. (whine, whine, whine) After I work all day, take care of the kids and get them to bed, all I can manage is to sit on the couch with my thumb up my butt and drool.  And that's on a good day.

I can't get out of debt. I miss my mom so much and I feel like my kids or my husband aren't getting the best of me. (Why does the word aren't not look like it's spelled correctly?) I just want to throw in the towel and give up. (Is aren't even a real word?)

But I can't.

So what the hell do I do?

(aren't, aren't. aren't, aren't)

Friday, April 8, 2011

Zombie Clarification

I need something clarified for me. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out the answer and have gotten nowhere.

Zombies vs Mutant Zombies? What's the difference? I mean, aren't zombies considered mutants anyways? After all zombies eat human flesh and are dead to begin with. Wouldn't that make them mutant? If there is a difference between your regular-run-of-the-mill zombie and a mutant zombie, then please share. Seriously, if I were to suddenly perish and not know this answer then I would have to come an haunt you until I was answered satisfactory. And trust me, I'd be a terrible ghost to haunt you. I'm told I snore and I am a terrible grumpy bitch in the morning. Plus, as a ghost I wouldn't be able to have my beloved diet coke. It wouldn't be pretty. It would greatly behoove you to just answer my question and skip the whole haunting part. I'm only looking out for your best interest here. That's how much I love you.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Just say no

It's probably a good thing that my kids aren't teenagers yet, because I for one couldn't stomach Bieber-Mania in my house. I'd rather stab myself in the eye with ice picks then listen to his music. Or deal with his hair. 

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

An email I just sent

Hey, hey, hey it's Fat Albert!!!! No, I have no idea where that came from. Probably due to a serious lack of sleep and chocolate chip cookies. Most likely the cookie part. That and I just ate one of those Weight Watcher meals. Tuna Noodle Gratin. And just as you could expect, it tasted like ass. In fact I think ass tastes better. Although I wouldn't know because I've never tasted ass. And it's definitely not on my top ten things to do in life before I die. Tasting ass, no. Seeing George Clooney's ass in real life, yes. 

Just checking in and seeing how you are doing? Hope you are well and laughing your ass off at just how random this email is. 

Let's figured out the piano logistics soon okay?

Talk to you soon. I need to find me some cookies before I go ape shit on someone. PMS + stress = not a happy Nikki. 



(and just so you concerned people could be relieved I am in possession of cookies. Store brand chocolate chip cookies to be exact. Not bad. Not orgasm worthy. It'll do.)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Explanation please

Can anyone pretty please with a cherry on top please explain Taylor Momsen to me? Seriously. I do not get her. At all. First off isn't she 17 or so? I would lock my daughter up and throw away the key if at 17 she decided she needed to wear lingerie as clothes. Yes, obviously Taylor dresses like a 2 bit whore to get attention. It must work, because even a poor schmuck like me is wasting my valuable time discuss her wardrobe habits.

(Wait, give me a moment - I do have a point here. Somewhere.....)

What bugs the shit out of me with this public display of whorishness are the young impressionable girls that look up to Momsen and think that this is the way women need to display themselves to gain attention - that looking like you charge 2 bucks an hour is appropriate. Even more so, it teaches our young women that they don't have to value themselves. As a women and as a person.

So please Miss Momsen, do the young women of the world a huge favor and put some damn clothes on already.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Whino alert

Last Saturday I pulled my back out while trying to put together my daughter's doll house she got for her birthday.  I am obviously so filled with grace. The worst part? I am not in possession of any form of a muscle relaxer.


You know what I hate? When you are driving down the expressway and some yahoo bigger then you, like a semi truck or a space ship, thinks they can just pull right in front of you in their attempt at trying to remove the front of your vehicle. You, being the ever safety nut, slam on your brakes, causing your phone to go falling on the floor and your expensive Starbucks coffee to spill everywhere, except that I don't drink coffee. I'm even bigger fucked because (see back excuse above) I can't reach my damn phone on the floor. That is if I don't want to get stuck on the floor of my van, trying to get my phone, all listening to my two year old, who loves her damn doll house thankyouverymuch, repeat over and over again "What doing Mommy? What doing?" To which I reply, "Trying to call the damn Mother ship sweetheart!" I can't wait for daycare's phone call when she repeats that line to her friends.


That said, if anyone would like to share any of their muscle relaxers, I would be so inclined to accept. As would the damn mother ship.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I need a hobbie, otherwise known as I suck at creating blog titles

I live in the great state of Michigan. Please note that the use of the word great was not in any way, shape or form sarcastic. I do think my state is great. Think Tony the Tiger, "It's Greeeaaaat!"

Or something like that.

Despite how awesome my state is (see how I claim it as mine? It's not like hundreds of thousands of other people also live in the state.) the road commission clearly sucks ass at making decent road side slogans for the digital billboards. Right now it states "Drive nice and slow in ice and snow." Seriously? My six year old could come up with better rhymes than that. Obviously they need to employ me to create more interesting and entertaining phrases. Currently I think it should state "When in bad weather don't drive like a bitch or you could end up in a ditch." It's catchy don't you think.? Or "When driving don't drink beer or you could hit a deer." Ooo, how about "My grandma drives better than your punk ass." Sheer brilliance don't you think?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Didn't your mother ever tell you ignoring people is rude?!?!

Don't you just love it when bloggers say "Look at me! I'm back! I'm blogging again!" and then they promptly disappear again?!

(crickets chirping)

I do too. Man. I'm such a bitch.

Okay, so in my defense, it's been a crazy ass month that has left me curled up in the fetal position begging for the torture to end. In no particular order my last month or so has looked like this:

  • son gets strep
  • I get what they think is strep
  • no, no! kidding! I have the worse case of vertigo ever, which send me to the ER after barfing my guts up for 12 hours. Apparently water is supposed to be kept down and not end up in the toilet bowl. Anti vertigo meds are my new hero. 
  • daughter gets hideous cold/ upper respiratory shit that causes her to wheeze like a 2 pack a day habit smoker. I told that kid to stop smoking. Do you think she would listen?
  • last week, in a forbidden game of chase in the house, said daughter falls and bashes her head on the edge of the wall. A trip to the ER and 2 staples later, she is fine.
  • that is until next morning when she wakes up with a blood splattered sheet and only one staple in her head. Trip to her regular doctor, super glue and a new Mickey Mouse book, she is fine. What, you didn't know Mickey Mouse books make everything better. Apparently they do, if you are almost 2 yrs old. 
  • Tenant in our rental house moves out, leaving us with another mortgage to cover.
See? I'm done. I've had enough. Got it. Oh yeah, and tomorrow would have been my mother's 60th birthday and daughter is scheduled to get the one staple removed. Fuuuccckkkk. That said, my art studio Open House is still scheduled for this Saturday and so far the weather looks like it will be my friend. It should be fun! No really, I'm super duper excited. Enough so that I said super duper.  

And if all else fails to turn my bad mood around, there's always vodka.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

That time of year again

It's time for the dreaded once of year female check up. Just for this splendid occasion I have worn my Eeyore underwear. Totally appropriate. Right?!

Monday, January 10, 2011

I hate titling blog posts

Have you ever blown your nose so hard that you shot a booger across the room?

No? Huh.....(awkward silence). Me neither......

I also haven't shaved my legs in two weeks.

I bet at this point you are just stoked that I am blogging again. After all how could you live without this pertinent information?

It could have been worse. I could have said that I was caught masturbating. Now THAT would be embarrassing.  

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Gratuitous Picture

There are very few of you from my old blog that I haven't managed to find on Facebook. Therefore most of you have been blessed with being forced to see pictures of my adorable children. For those of you not so lucky, well I figured I force you to see them here.

Adorable? Yes. Pains in my butt? Yes. Please pay no attention to my horribly stained carpet. I on the other hand am quite thankful that my youngest is still dressed. And not flying around the house naked, pretending she is an airplane. Sigh.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Couponing as an extreme sport?!

Did anyone catch Extreme Couponing on TLC last night? Did it scare the shit out of you too? First, may I state that I applaud any person that can manage to get anything for free. Legally free that is. Stealing doesn't count. Unless we are talking cookies, but we already covered that yesterday. Extreme Couponing is where these people go to great lengths to get coupons and basically go shopping for free. Great idea huh?! Except that these people are buying things like 400 boxes of pasta, 500 candy bars and 762 toothbrushes. The bill before their coupons is something like $600-$1200 and they end up paying something like $20 when it's all said and done. Who the hell needs 400 boxes of pasta? Who the hell can eat 400 boxes of pasta in enough time before it becomes old stale pasta? And if it takes you more than 2 years to eat 500 full sized candy bars then you have more issues than your shopping addiction. Seriously, it was like Extreme Hoarding, Coupon Edition. This one woman actually had her hoard of free shit insured for $35K. What pissed me off (Yes, I was yelling at the tv. You have problem with that?) was that these people would never in their lifetime use everything they acquired. Never. And yet there are people out there where a bottle of shampoo and a toothbrush is considered a luxury. Never once did these coupon hoarders ever state that they donate what they get to the less fortunate. A safe house, homeless shelter or food gathers would shit a ton of bricks to get these items and give them to people who really need it. This is what totally disgusted me about this show. I could only watch maybe 10 minutes of it before I had to turn it off. I was afraid I might wake up the kids with all the obscenities I was yelling at these people. (What, me swear?! Never!)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year's Resolutions


Are you a New Year Resolutions Maker? I try to, but usually fail by the next day. You know, I make a promise to myself that in the new year I am going to focus on taking better care of myself and lose weight. By January 2nd I can be found laying on the couch with a bag a chips or a handful of cookies. Or both. Don't give me that look. It's not my fault that my husband's lovely aunt is a master chef whose Christmas gift every year is a box of delightful cookie deliciousness. And I will be damned if my kids or hubby are going to eat my favorite cookies before I can eat a few. The ONLY logical choice is to eat them all. I mean, really, what else is a girl to do? Anywho, this year my goal is to grow as an artist and to really give it a go at creating and selling my stuff. I'm giving myself a good solid year to see if I can make something of myself. Hopefully a year from now I will be posting to all you wonderful people that things are going excellent and I made the best choice ever to focus on my art as a career.  If not, well then at least I have cookie awesomeness to wallow my pities in. Right? Silver lining?

What are your resolutions this year? And no, you can't have my damn cookies, so stop looking at me like that. Yeesh.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Hello? Is this thing turned on?

Well. Hi.

(crickets chirping)

I never really know how to start a blog post. Especially after I've ignored my blog for at least a year. It's time I get started again. To talk about my art and mt life trying to create art. You know, everything that drives me bat shit crazy. Recently I've decided that I need to start making my art one of my priorities in life. I'd love for it to become my career. That's not likely to happen for a long time. Those damn bills need to be paid. That and most artists don't become famous until they are dead. And let's be honest. I plan on annoying my husband for a very long time so that's just not an option. Recently, I opened back up my Etsy shop, Funklicious.  I have a lot of great ideas and things to create, so stop by often to see new items. I finally got my ass off the couch and learned how to use my sewing machine. I've only owned the thing for almost a year before I took it out of the damn box. Now I have my sights set on one of these beauties. It's currently out of stock and well, I can't afford it. But one day it will be mine (insert evil cackle here). (Cackle....what a great word.) I also want one of these storage thingies. Storage is the bane of my existence in my studio. I never have enough and it never seems to work the way I want it to. Anyone else out there addicted to storage units? What do you find works the best for tools and supplies?

Jinkies. That's about enough boring information for today. I have to go stop my daughter from pantsing herself. What is it about one year olds and trying to strip themselves constantly?