Last Saturday I pulled my back out while trying to put together my daughter's doll house she got for her birthday. I am obviously so filled with grace. The worst part? I am not in possession of any form of a muscle relaxer.
You know what I hate? When you are driving down the expressway and some yahoo bigger then you, like a semi truck or a space ship, thinks they can just pull right in front of you in their attempt at trying to remove the front of your vehicle. You, being the ever safety nut, slam on your brakes, causing your phone to go falling on the floor and your expensive Starbucks coffee to spill everywhere, except that I don't drink coffee. I'm even bigger fucked because (see back excuse above) I can't reach my damn phone on the floor. That is if I don't want to get stuck on the floor of my van, trying to get my phone, all listening to my two year old, who loves her damn doll house thankyouverymuch, repeat over and over again "What doing Mommy? What doing?" To which I reply, "Trying to call the damn Mother ship sweetheart!" I can't wait for daycare's phone call when she repeats that line to her friends.
That said, if anyone would like to share any of their muscle relaxers, I would be so inclined to accept. As would the damn mother ship.