I need a hobbie, otherwise known as I suck at creating blog titles

I live in the great state of Michigan. Please note that the use of the word great was not in any way, shape or form sarcastic. I do think my state is great. Think Tony the Tiger, "It's Greeeaaaat!"

Or something like that.

Despite how awesome my state is (see how I claim it as mine? It's not like hundreds of thousands of other people also live in the state.) the road commission clearly sucks ass at making decent road side slogans for the digital billboards. Right now it states "Drive nice and slow in ice and snow." Seriously? My six year old could come up with better rhymes than that. Obviously they need to employ me to create more interesting and entertaining phrases. Currently I think it should state "When in bad weather don't drive like a bitch or you could end up in a ditch." It's catchy don't you think.? Or "When driving don't drink beer or you could hit a deer." Ooo, how about "My grandma drives better than your punk ass." Sheer brilliance don't you think?

Didn't your mother ever tell you ignoring people is rude?!?!

Don't you just love it when bloggers say "Look at me! I'm back! I'm blogging again!" and then they promptly disappear again?!

(crickets chirping)

I do too. Man. I'm such a bitch.

Okay, so in my defense, it's been a crazy ass month that has left me curled up in the fetal position begging for the torture to end. In no particular order my last month or so has looked like this:

• son gets strep
• I get what they think is strep
• no, no! kidding! I have the worse case of vertigo ever, which send me to the ER after barfing my guts up for 12 hours. Apparently water is supposed to be kept down and not end up in the toilet bowl. Anti vertigo meds are my new hero. 
• daughter gets hideous cold/ upper respiratory shit that causes her to wheeze like a 2 pack a day habit smoker. I told that kid to stop smoking. Do you think she would listen?
• last week, in a forbidden game of chase in the house, said daughter falls and bashes her head on the edge of the wall. A trip to the ER and 2 staples later, she is fine.
• that is until next morning when she wakes up with a blood splattered sheet and only one staple in her head. Trip to her regular doctor, super glue and a new Mickey Mouse book, she is fine. What, you didn't know Mickey Mouse books make everything better. Apparently they do, if you are almost 2 yrs old. 
• Tenant in our rental house moves out, leaving us with another mortgage to cover.

See? I'm done. I've had enough. Got it. Oh yeah, and tomorrow would have been my mother's 60th birthday and daughter is scheduled to get the one staple removed. Fuuuccckkkk. That said, my art studio Open House is still scheduled for this Saturday and so far the weather looks like it will be my friend. It should be fun! No really, I'm super duper excited. Enough so that I said super duper.  

And if all else fails to turn my bad mood around, there's always vodka.

Right?