Dear Gmail

Dear Gmail,

I am trying to figure out why Gardner White and Bob Evans keep sending me emails. I mean, I never have shopped at Gardner White and I don't eat at Bob Evans. And for that fact, Gmail, why the hell can't you figure out that this is spam? You do so well at removing all Penis Growth emails. Even if I had wanted to grow a  penis, I can't because you are so successful at hiding those emails from me. And my ever faithful Nigerian Prince, offering me 1 million dollars, has been quiet lately due to your awesome spam removal. And yet, Gardner White and Bob Evans keep sneaking past you. No matter how many times I mark them spam, they keep showing up. Are you trying to tell me that I need to eat pancakes and get a new couch? I mean for reals people. My couch is just fine and my homemade pancakes taste much better anyways.

Let's get this fixed, m'kay?

*For shizzle Gmail, for shizzle.

Sincerely,
Nicole

*Please note that I have not a damn clue what the word shizzle means. It is however, really freaking fun to say.